and make sure that nobody votes, chooses, decides or makes a difference. Americans everywhere will make their voices heard and their voices will say, “Whatever!” Because we couldn’t care less about anything.
Growing up in Middle America, Elizabeth Pace was a middle child in a middle class family. Elizabeth didn’t excel in school. But she definitely didn’t suck either. She was just kind of there. It wasn’t during her college years until she realized that while she wasn’t really interested in a political career, she wasn’t uninterested in one either. After a trip to Las Vegas, Elizabeth woke up to find herself married to Austin Fullerton, the fake name of a man she had met the night before. Deciding that filing divorce papers was too much of a hassle, she kept the last name Pace-Fullerton and moved to New York City. It was there where she first became involved in Apathetic politics. Since then, Elizabeth has become one of America’s foremost advocates of stuff, things and other stuff.
Bob Haddad is originally from Camden, New Jersey. Growing up, Bob displayed absolutely no interest in politics, global issues or pretty much anything else. After his 12th year of community college, Bob received the much sought after job of delivery guy at Lucky Louis’ Pizzeria and Gyro Shack. While there, he was responsible for delivering a record-breaking 37 wrong orders in a single week. His career in politics began accidentally when one of those wrong orders (a large pepperoni originally intended for a Miss Kelly Dorfman of 152 Magnolia Avenue) took him to the headquarters of the Apathy Party. Impressed with his complete lack of dedication and inattention to detail, he was invited to join the party. Completely misinterpreting his invitation to a party, Bob accepted. Since that day, he has been a pillar of the party. Bob has been quoted attributing this to the fact that he “doesn’t really have anything better to do” and that “he’s pretty sure he lost his keys”.